What is Pastoral Counseling?

I’m often asked this question–”What is pastoral counseling?”–or perhaps even more often, “Who are pastoral counselors?”

So here are some answers to those and other similar questions which I’m presenting in Q and A form.

A Christian’s Ego

“She has good ego strength.” When we hear that said of someone, do we consider it a more positive attribute than when we hear it said, “He has a big ego?”

Or how about, “She has a fragile ego.” Does that mean she’s hyper-sensitive, too thin-skinned, is easily discouraged or defeated, that she gets her feelings hurt too often or easily? A manner, in case you haven’t noticed, that can also be highly manipulative.

Or is a “fragile ego” just as often the backside of a proverbial “big ego,” as, for instance, the guy who postures as emotionally stronger than he really is? Which is why he always tries to “dominate,” or needs to be “right,” who wants to “win at any cost,” who has such a high need for “control,” who may, unfortunately, merely be a “bully” in his interpersonal relations.

Or for that matter, can so called “humility” be pseudo? Perhaps the most socially sanctioned of disguises for a kind of “pride” that lacks integrity, that is of little good to or for anyone?

I’ve noticed that when I get upset about whatever–when I don’t get my way, when I’m disappointed in myself or others, when it’s apparent that I don’t have the influence I wish I had, when my opinion or point of view isn’t considered as worthy as I think it should be, when I feel discounted or devalued, even ignored by whomever–when these are the circumstances, and I’m reacting negatively, how too often it seems that my ego has gotten in the way.

Is that because I have too much ego–or not enough?